Bad Hair

There will be a time, hopefully coming soon, when you will feel comfortable going to the mall again. And when you do go, after reading this, you may look at people differently.

The inspiration for a “blogue” sometimes comes from what might seem like the least of inspirational sources. In this case the source is Boris Johnson, a former mayor of London and now the prime minister of the United Kingdom.

I am led to believe that this is Boris as a child, and in this photo, not a happy little fellow, perhaps with the haircut to blame. It may be that Boris, given this unhappy start in life, decided to forgo the use of comb and hairbrush, with the result seen in the following: just one example of his disdain for coiffure.

But let’s move to seamier stuff.

It seems that Boris is a bit of a chick magnet. In 1987 he married his first wife, Allegra Mostyn-Owen. They divorced, but not before Boris had impregnated Marina Wheeler. He and Marina married in 1993 and eventually had four children together. BoJo, as he is known in the British tabloids, was not done. According to The Sun newspaper, while married to Marina, he strayed into the arms of writer Petronella Wyatt, and then “overlapped” that dalliance with Anna Fazackerley, a journalist. And in 2009, he is alleged to have fathered a “lovechild” with arts consultant Helen Macintyre, and yes, while still married to Ms. Wheeler. Also according to The Sun, source of all truths among British newspapers, a friend said that Ms. Wheeler puts up with Boris’s philandering because, “She sees it as a childish side of his personality which one day he’ll grow out of.” Marina and Boris separated in 2018 and divorced in November of 2020; in the nick of time apparently, as Carrie Symonds in April of 2020 gave birth to little Wilfred Johnson.

In the meantime, BoJo did find the time, somehow, to manage the UK through Brexit and to fumble his way through the early days of the pandemic. He even ended up in hospital with Covid-19. No telling where he caught it.

Don King

Don King will turn 90 during 2021 and has long been famous, and infamous, as a boxing promoter. He put together some of the biggest boxing matches in history, including the “Thrilla in Manila,” (Joe Frazier vs. Muhammad Ali) and the “Rumble in the Jungle,” (with George Forman fighting Ali). Ali won both fights.

King promoted many of the most prominent names in boxing, including Larry Holmes, Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, as well as Ali, Foreman and Frazier. As a side note, it was King who promoted the rematch between Tyson and Holyfield in which the former bit off part of the latter’s ear, with the former being disqualified.

As if boxing weren’t seamy enough, Don King was sued for fraud, by pretty much every boxer who signed on with him, as he apparently neglected to pass along proceeds from the matches he promoted.  He subsequently settled out-of-court, often for millions. To put a cherry on top of this, he also killed two people; one a thief he shot in the back (justifiable homicide); the other a man he stomped to death (for which he was convicted of voluntary manslaughter and went to prison for 4 years). Then there is the crime of the hair: voluntary poor taste.

David Beckham

In his day, quite a footballer (soccer player to us North Americans), and famous on several other levels. He married one the Spice Girls (Cayenne? Whatever.), as the Spice Girls shot to fame as a forgettable 1990s pop group. But David truly was talented on the pitch, having played for Manchester United, Paris Saint Germain, Real Madrid and other premier level football clubs.

“Becks” is sought after as a model, and has lucrative contracts with fragrance companies and fashion designers, and his ball striking ability was immortalized in the movie, “Bend It Like Beckham.”

David is a pretty good looking guy, but for some reason he can’t stop messing with his hair. Apparently he suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder and perhaps this is one manifestation.

Valentina Petrenko

I was looking for a balance; a politician who might serve as a female counterpart to Boris Johnson. And here she is. And yes, that is her everyday hair. Ms. Petrenko is a Russian politician, serving as a senator from the Russian Federation of Khakassia, which is located in the southwestern part of Siberia. Ms. Petrenko has been a senator for some 20 years, speaks several languages, Russian, Polish and English among them, and has earned her PhD in biology. Perhaps a little off the top, wouldn’t you agree?

Bill Gates

It’s not that Bill Gates has bad hair, it’s that he has never spent more than 7 bucks on a haircut, and it remains boring. Despite being one of the wealthiest persons on earth — when last I looked he had amassed a fortune of about $140 billion — it is also galling that the man lives in a 66,000 square foot mansion (slightly larger than a football field), and may need to maintain a 2,000 square foot closet just to accommodate his V-neck sweaters.

So maybe it’s not the hair, but the resistance to change. At least branch out into cardigans! Recently it was announced that Bill and his wife Melinda have decided to divorce; an event that will shave his net worth to about $70 billion. Rumours abound as to the reason for the split, but could this long haired blond have come between them?

That’s Bill and Melinda above, in a happier moment; Bill in a nice V-neck.

I could go on at length on the subject of “Bad Hair.” Truly interesting, as it seems that men (i.e., famous men) are apt to have bad hair more often out of benign neglect rather than any real motive (“Becks” being a exception). As for women, what I might perceive to be a case of bad hair, is more likely to be considered, “fashionable” hair, and you would have someone like Miley Cyrus sporting a new “do” every week.

So I will conclude with three gents and little comment. Here is the actor Mickey Rourke, with age and other things taking their toll: Mickey on the left, then; and on the right, now.

Johnny Depp

Not to spend much time here, but Johnny appears to be in the “Becks” category that requires change. In Johnny’s case change may not necessarily be a good thing.

And finally, Phil Spector

Phil Spector recently passed away … in prison; where he had been since 2009, having been convicted of the murder in his home of actress Lana Clarkson. He had been serving a 19 year sentence when he died of complications due to Covid-19.

Phil Spector was a prominent music producer and songwriter, having produced singles and albums for the Beatles, the Righteous Brothers, Leonard Cohen and many others; and writing or co-writing such hits as “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’,” and “Spanish Harlem.”

He was also famous for his bad hair. The photo on the upper left taken in prison, and on the lower right, at his murder trial.